She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
