Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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