Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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