And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
