I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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