Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
