She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
