Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
