Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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