to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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