let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
