did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
