I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
