i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
