Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
