Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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