Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize