Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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