Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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