Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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