This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
