I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
