Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
