youre lurking in front of me
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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