The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
