he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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