Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
