It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
