I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
