Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
