My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
