You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
