You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
