so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
