he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
