I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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