I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I still have a little drunk in my system
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
