Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
pop tarts are not kleenex
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
