my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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