We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
