Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
