I think I died a long time ago.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
