i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
