I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
