Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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