I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
