Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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