You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
