I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
