Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
