i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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